I have a dakimakura. For the unaware, a dakimakura is the Japanese word for a body pillow but with a character on the cover which is typically an anime or video game character.

Having a dakimakura is understandably associated with someone being a geek, freak, and any other epithets of the more dedicated online anime enjoyer. It is almost freak-ish to the outsider. They, who love a fictional character so much over a real person, gets a printed image on a long pillow that the observer — the normie — automatically assumes that they act ‘devious’ sexual acts onto. They imagine the sweaty neckbeard stereotype, glasses, no or very little friends, overweight, possibly autistic. I can list more attributes here.

It confuses the more normal person. “Just go meet a real person?” It raises the question that the dakimakura-owner does not have the social ability to meet other people, to meet their own real love interest, so they resort to the unreal. Hence, they are unsuccessful — they are a geek — so they are now lower on the social hierarchy.

This is typically the average view of the normal person has for those with dakimakuras, whether conscious or not.

How I came to have one

I have been a fan of anime since I was 12. When I was much younger I would watch the NHK World channel on Sky and become fascinated with what I saw of Japan, and going on to discovering anime later I was enthralled.

Soon after I went straight to the depths of 4chan, straight to their anime board where people were much more unabashed and slightly deranged with their anime enjoyment. I would see pictures of people with showcases of anime figurines and a collection of dakimakuras. Even on this board you had a group of people who would insult anyone they see with a dakimakura, though at this time I was impressionable, and thought that ‘yes, I would also have one’.

At the age of 21, I moved out of my parents house and in with one of my friends who is a huge anime lover. They have dakimakuras and multiple cases and bookshelves in their bedroom filled with anime figures. For years I hadn’t thought about getting a dakimakura until I moved in with him, and seeing all of his merchandise pulled me over. At the time I was (and am at writing this) single and planned to be for a while, and I wasn’t restricted with the idea of living with my parents. So on a whim I ordered one, a body pillow insert, with the dakimakura cover to go with it.

How I feel about it

I’ve had a dakimakura for 3 years now. I accept it as a part of my bed now to be honest and would feel weird if I did not have it anymore. I don’t do anything with the dakimakura to be honest. I don’t snuggle it when I go to sleep or at least wrap my arms around it. It just lays on one side while I lay on the other. An unhappy marriage almost.

I am embarrased by having one to be honest. All of my friends, apart from my core group of geeky friends, do not know that I have one. That being said these friends know I am somewhat geeky but not to the degree that I really am, therefore I cannot imagine what they would think if they saw that I have one.

I associate having a dakimakura somewhat with the ‘normal’ opinions above. I feel like its a failure somewhat on my part though I have a fairly successful social life. My family knows that I have one. They sometimes make jokes about it, though no one has ever spoken candidly with me about it which creates this odd sense of unease within me, asking myself ‘do they see it as a failing? Do they find it cringe?